Clever Boy

Brock recently discovered the joy of privacy which translates into locked doors. I'm actually not sure if he likes privacy or just hearing the popping sound our old-school door knobs makes when he pushes the lock. Either way, I have to race to the bathroom when he says he needs to go . . . not to help him but to make sure he doesn't lock me out so I can help if needs be.

Last week, he took it one step further - locking the doors and then shutting them behind him. His door(s) of choice? ALL THE BATHROOMS IN THE HOUSE. Nice one, kid. And because the knobs are all old school, the only way to open them is with a screwdriver placed just so. Unfortunately, only Rob knows how to do this. Needless to say, we practiced "holding it" last week.

The pink pants are due to him not being able to hold it while we were at a girl friend's house. He thought it was all quite funny!

Kids Say the Funniest Things

We went to Big Bear for MLK Day. Brock was all bundled in fur from his head to his foot. I put on his rather pointy hat and he looked at me quizzically and said, "Mom, where's my white beard." Nice one, Brock.



I love the look of sheer joy on a child enjoying something for the first time.






This is mostly to prove that Drew and Mom were, in fact, at Big Bear with Brock. Drew's complete with his parrot hat from his Halloween costume. Lest you think fashion comes before form -- not in our house, especially when it's not the 70 degree weather we've been having in Esco!

Take 2

My mom is a funny woman. I've always had a hard time separating her funny from her fact. I've recently learned that one classic saying was indeed a fact and not a funny. It was this - "my 10 child bearing years were the darkest 10 years of my life." I thought she was funny. I now know it was a fact.

The mom I remember from my growing up days was talented, energetic, involved, funny, and very capable. I don't remember the lady who prepared lunches for the older kids and organized play dates for the younger kids while going on four hours of sleep because she was nursing a newborn all night. I wish I knew that mom.

This is why I started a blog. When I tell my (at the rate I'm going) daughter-in-laws that my child bearing years were the darkest 10 years of my life I want my children to have a record that tells them that while it is a fact that this is hard it is also a fact that we had joy in the journey.

I found from doing my first 9 posts that I was writing for the audience. Unfortunately, this isn't for you. This is for my kids. I've given up thoughts about this blog being clever and funny. This blog is for my kids. And it might go private so I can take all the pressure of myself. Not decided yet. For now it'll be a window for my children to learn about this mom that will be long gone when they start forming opinions about me. She'll be long gone because she'll be able to sleep in past 6am and get groceries before 10pm at night. That alone will make me a much different person!

Cuatro de Julio

It seems like the Fourth is always a "let-down" holiday. I have such high hopes for a fun, patriotic Summer day and it ends up being lame with nothing going on. Fuel that with a non-existent Fourth last year because (as it turns out) the Brits don't celebrate our independence from them, I was determined to have a great Fourth of July this year. We decided to have a breakfast BBQ to start the day off on the right foot.

Then came the difficult question of what can be BBQ'd for breakfast. The answer: breakfast burritos. And just like that, Cuatro de Julio was born. I tried to find an American flag pinata but those are hard to find! We had about 5 families over so the kids could play on all our new backyard stuff and the parents could chat. Oddly enough, I was the grill master so there wasn't the obligatory man circle around the BBQ.

It was a great party and I think it might just be an annual event. Turns out having breakfast parties are a sure way to have a rocking holiday (even if there are no pictures to document the rock!).

Felice Cuatro de Julio, Amigos!!

Thoughts about death

I've been thinking a lot about death this past week (that's probably not the best way to start a post!). Two people, under very different circumstances, passed away and it's made me think a lot about life and death and my dad.

Mary Webster was a sweet older woman in our ward. She was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer only one month ago. She bore her testimony 2 weeks ago and then passed away last Wednesday. She bore no signs of illness when she spoke in church. Four days after that she had a stroke and then spent the last week of her life in the hospital heavily sedated to alleviate all her suffering. She was surrounded by her family when she slipped away from this life last Wednesday. While short, they had time to prepare and get their minds around what was happening. I should also point out - her son passed away almost exactly one year ago also from Pancreatic cancer and her son-in-law, also a member of our ward, died last November after a long battle with Lung Cancer. Their family has literally been ravished by cancer the past 12 months.

Silly as it may sound, the other person who passing I've thought a lot about is Tim Russert. I can't think of another TV personality's passing that would make me more sad than Tim's shocking death. I loved the way he explained politics. To this day I still don't know if he was a Democrat or a Republican because he presented both sides so fairly. I naturally assume he's a Democrat because he is in the entertainment industry and because he worked for a democratic elected official but his interviews didn't involve leading questions or snide remarks (a la Katie Couric) so I'll never know for sure.

These two passings have made me think about the timing of death. In Mary's case, while the prognosis was grim from the start, she had time to say her good-byes and come to peace with leaving her family behind. Like my dad's massive heart attack, Tim did not have that chance. I'll never forget hearing the words "Dad died" from my brother and thinking "but I didn't get to tell him how much I love him" or "good-bye" or "don't worry about Mom". It was done. Nothing can undo death. It's final. For my family's sake I'd rather go like Mary so there is time to mourn and hear your living obituary. For my sake, I'd rather go like my dad and Tim. No pain, no sadness at the inevitable outcome. Just gone. But it sucks for your loved ones.

I've also thought about the great injustice it is that you can't be at your own funeral. The TV airways have been flooded with memories and stories about Tim. I feel more now than ever that I wish I knew that guy. While I liked his show, I feel like I've learned of a different side to him that makes me wish I knew him personally. The same goes for Mary. Her funeral was yesterday and, while I've always held her in high regard, I left the funeral thinking that I didn't really know her at all. I wish I could have chatted with her more, gotten to hear more stories about her childhood, or learned how to crochet from her. But I've learned all these things posthumously. I just wish there was an appropriate way to have a funeral before you die. I'd love to hear the things people would say about me at my funeral. I'd love for some young mom to come up to me and say "I had no idea you did that." But that's not how it goes.

I've come to the conclusion that you can't take life for granted. I need to live each day. I need to express my gratitude as I feel it and not save it for some time when I have time. That time may never come and then I'm left with the "I should have told them this" thoughts that just bite. Gratefully, with regards to my father, I know he knew I loved him. There was nothing left unsaid which doesn't happen very often for me!

This is hard!

I really didn't want my blog to be story after story about my kids. Nor did I want my blog to be a travelogue of our life (mostly because we don't travel anymore per 2008 New Years Resolution #1). My intention is to print this out and have it be a journal of sorts for my posterity. I want them to know me and gain insights into their crazy mom. So I sit and think and think and think about what to write. I have about 20 half-written posts in my mind. There's the one about how I've self-diagnosed myself OCD. There's the one about pushing all my brain cells out with Drew (will I ever be clever again?). There's the one where I lament that time is passing too quickly. And there's the one over my issues with buying a nice camera to capture the perfect moment only to realize that that involves taking 200 pictures and who has time to go through that many pictures to find the captured perfect moment? And can you post without adding the perfect moment picture? It's all very overwhelming to me.

So I decided to post today about how I'm trying to be a blogger but how I much prefer my blog-stocking days. No expectations. No half written thoughts. No clever punchlines. I could just peek in on my friend's lives and live vicariously. Oh well. I'm a blogger now and I kind of like it. I just wish I could figure out what to blog about!

Picture Update

If a picture is worth a thousand words, what are a thousand pictures worth? . . . about 6 months of pictures to catch you up on our family (sans explanations). If you want to know details of Halloween, Disneyland, a trip to Utah Switzerland, Drew's arrival, playing with friends and cousins, a trip to Utah, a visit to Daddy's office, Cinco de Mayo celebrations, or just plaing hanging out post a comment! By the way, this is the only time I'll post like this. I just needed to "update" a few people about our lives.